It's not you, it's me.
There are times when things are sitting right in front of us that are good for us, things that will help elevate us to the next level. And sometimes even when those things are staring us right in the face and asking us to let them help us, we don't have the space. I moonlight as a personal assistant/executive assistant (usually to individuals or businesses). One of the downsides to this is that I typically go into spaces that do not have a structure in hopes that I will be able to create said structure. I have a knack for going into a space and creating organization, and I have a gift of the bird's eye view that allows me the space to look at a system and find all the ways for it to be improved. I can come up with every possible situation and every possible response or consequence to that road. However, this is only possible if someone trusts and allows me the space to come in and improve things, even if it's just a test run.
California has something called "at will" employment, which means you can be let go at any moment for any reason and that reason does not have to reflect an inability on your end. In truth, I've experienced this the most when people were having a bad day, or needed to cut costs but couldn't be honest about that. Recently I took a gig with someone whose management style was nonexistent via her own words and actions. I saw all the ways in which I could improve things, and help with the website, coordination, administrative tasks, and much more but it never got anywhere. Ultimately, she and her company were not ready to show up in a way that would allow that expansion and growth. Sometimes people get overwhelmed when they have a lot on their plate and don't know how to delegate things to other people. Ironically, this gig didn't even require a résumé so they had no idea what I was capable of doing for them. On the other side, they didn't give me an opportunity to show that, nor did they have conversations about the potential.
This blog is about photography, stories, and mental and self-help. This post in particular is about not taking things personally that don't have to do with you. I felt this energy from this place, and I knew that I was putting in the energy and asking the right questions to figure out what needed to be done. There were several people who I needed to talk to you, but they never made space to be talked to in order to move forward. I think this is a lesson for myself, an opportunity to grow and expand in the area of feeling lost behind Jobs that aren't losses. Some jobs are experiences to help you grow and evolve, and I see this I such. I did not lose anything in this three-woman organization deciding not to delegate tasks to me to help themselves. What I learned and took from this experience was the ability to be honest with myself about the fact that just because somebody chooses not to work with you does not mean that it is a reflection of who you are or your capacity. Sometimes, it is solely about them. Sometimes, you have to just let it go, do nothing, and move forward.
This is a perfect example of an "it's not you it's me" situation. It was important for me not to ruminate and figure out what I did wrong, how I could've communicated better (because I did), and try and find fault in something that I did not do. Really, I showed up. I showed up every day ready to work my ass off and help this company grow and thrive, I asked multiple times for additional work and constantly updated them on my progress regarding the tasks I did have. When someone is serious about showing up for themselves, they put in the effort and you don't have to pull teeth. No relationship can survive if both people aren't putting in the time and energy. But you can put your entire heart and soul into something and yield no results if they do not have the space. I am grateful that I took the steps in advance to prepare for the lack of energy I felt on their end, I saw it formulate through a lack of communication and action. The lesson was simple. This wasn't about me, she wasn't ready.
Photo by Tara Winstead